Believe in 2020

Each year I honestly do not give myself a particular resolution because I choose to better myself in each year that comes. You guys always see a lot of my wins and rightfully so, through my successes, I encourage you to win in your life journeys. I, however, had some tough moments at the end of 2018 and the first half of 2019 when it comes to personal friendships. I don't want to say I lost friendships, because real friendships can never be lost. I will say that things changed between myself and people I once thought I would grow old with. With these changes, I did a lot more self-reflection because it all happened so close together and like any human being, I had those moments of thinking well maybe it was my fault, perhaps I am the one that needs to change. Truth is some of it was me, and I won't lie. You see the past few years, I chose to focus on my family and business, and many people that were my focus took a back seat in the priority list. I made friends comfortable with me always being around and available, and that changed all of a sudden and I don’t think it was to their liking. Now, this didn't mean I loved them any less; it just meant my attention needed to be on my family. Though I didn't share on social, my energy was on Ayden's well being, and, to be frank, it still is. You know that saying, "It is during the worst times of your life that you will get to see the true colors of the people who say they care for you." this is what I faced this year.

To be raw and honest, the beginning of this year and most of 2018, my mind was not right. I had so much anxiety and depression to the point that I had tasks that needed to be done, but I couldn't get it done. I would catch myself sitting on my couch, knowing I had shit to do, but I would just sit there for hours in thought. The anxiety had a lot to do with Ayden and people putting this label on him or repeating to me, "that's just boys," "oh, he will grow out of it, Lissette." I was tired of just hearing people's perspective on something that was seriously having a toll on myself and son. I honestly just avoided all of it and said to myself I need to go at his pace, and my attention will be on his needs. Pictures and quick little videos didn't show you guys his challenges or mine. You guys don't see my son hovering his hands over his ears and screaming at the top of his lungs because something is bothering him. You don't see him get frustrated because he wants something, but it takes me a minute to figure it out because he can't communicate. You don't see when he is at a birthday party, and an instructor is trying to teach the kids something, but Ayden goes off-task, and other parents are looking at your kid as unruly, but it's just your son doesn't know social cues yet. All these things gave me social anxiety unless I was with Mark or my mom. I chose to deal with it on my own, and with the inner circle of my family. I, however, never thought to voice that to friends because they have their shit to deal with, so that's on me. I am ok with these friendships ending to be honest because anyone that cant takes my imperfections is not welcomed to get the good from me. There are people in my life that know me and know that I love them , so I choose to focus on them.

In the second half of the year, I focused on myself, bettering myself, and being present with others. I made time for people that knew my intentions in our friendships. I have a lot more people to reconnect within 2020, but learning to prioritize my time will be key. I created memories with my brothers, dad, mom, kids, and hubby and grateful for that this year. I focused on the fact that Ayden has a long journey that I am ok with being on because I was chosen to be his mom for a reason. I learned that I don't need to explain his situation to anyone at all and that I can easily decline something without an excuse, and I don't owe anyone an explanation.

So what's in store for me in 2020? I am choosing to BELIEVE! I want to believe in people, myself, and what God has in store for me. I'm choosing to believe that all the fruits of my labor will pay off and bring me closer to my dreams. My wish for all of you in the New Year is honestly to believe in yourself, to take out any negative thoughts that you can't do something because the only thing in your way is your negative thinking. With each year, the one thing that should stay consistent is your growth; you should always grow with time. Learn from life lessons because you never want to look at the end of each year and continuously say I should have done this or that. If you are continually telling yourself I should have, you're not living life. I'll end it with this quote, "When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation, you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret." Go live life! Happy New Year, guys!!! I hope you stick around to see what I'm up to in 2020.